He really cares!

I was asked recently to be in my friend Becky's wedding & I was stressing out about it because I didn't want to have to say no because of finances. Once I talked to Becky about the details it seemed that I could save money on a lot of the costs by doing some things myself and just skipping out on some pampering. It got even better when she told me I could pick out my own dress; just had to be long and black. If you know me well, you know I like to find a good deal. So I have been searching online and thinking of any store I could possibly go to and find a cheap but beautiful dress. Well wouldn't you know God had a fun surprise for me. I had gone to several thrift stores and had no luck. But tonight I thought I should do a run to a different Goodwill. I wasn't really in the mood but I just felt like I should run there real quick. As soon as I got there and started looking at the dresses I spotted a possibility. I took it off the rack and looked at it. It was perfect! But first I had to see if it was the right size and price. Well it looked about the right size but there was no price tag. So I tried it on and it was perfect. I took it up to the front to ask about the price. The lady said since it didn't have a tag it was $12.99. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? I about did a praise Jesus dance right there in Goodwill. I'm still so excited. Oh my goodness tonight I was reminded of how much God cares about the small details. In a time where we are in a stressful financial situation I keep getting reminders of how God provides for us. He has not failed us one time. And I'm so grateful for moments like tonight. It's as if He is smiling and saying "I am always true to my word and I care about everything, even a dress."


Matthew 6:25-34
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Flawed

I am blown away. God, again, has shown himself faithful. On Thursday I checked my mail. I opened a card from someone I didn't know and sat there stunned. Someone was blessed by this blog and chose to bless me. I am beyond grateful.
Why do I write this blog? I write it because I know there are hurting people that feel alone and need some encouragement. I write it for those who need to know that they aren't the only imperfect people with struggles they feel they should have conquered already. I just want to be honest and open so I can help others. I am flawed and that's okay. I'm working to become more like Christ and falling all the way to get there. It's not a surprise though, isn't that what we have been told it will be like. So why do we go through life feeling as though we aren't good enough? I still struggle with that, and sometimes feel that it's so ridiculous, but I know I'm not the only one. I do love my life, but when I stop focusing on what God has blessed me with, that's when I get stuck feeling jealous of others and wanting to be someone I'm not. I know that's not what God wants for me. I can't be my best if I'm constantly looking to be who I'm not.
There are some dreams God has given me and I'm working on those right now. I am not moving at the pace I probably should because I'm scared. Fear is trying to take over for what God has told me to do. What am I afraid of? A lot of things; what people might think of me, not being good enough, and making mistakes. But if I let fear hold me back people might miss out on a blessing God has for them because of my delayed obedience. I am going to listen to God and do my best to move forward. Mistakes and all. I believe that He will make something beautiful from something that seems so flawed to me.

Labeled

Three years ago I would have said you were insane if you had told me I would one day have a peace about our situation, that I would know that God has a plan in all of this and that it will be okay and I'm strong enough...

Most people may not understand how I can be having an experience like I am. I don't really know what it's like to have a 22 month old I can understand and who is already trying to talk in short sentences. It brings such happy tears to my eyes and erases some of my biggest fears. In the past 2 months I have seen Ryan go from talking in single words to adding them together and asking for things, and I get it! It's a miracle. I know for most families with 2 or more children it might sound kind of weird or silly because it's normal to you. All of your kids talked "on time" according to the milestones the doctor tells you about. For me it's a very different experience.

With our first son Aiden we had a rough beginning. It stung each and every time I heard a parent complain about how annoying it was that their child talked their ear off. Don’t get me wrong, I do have those days now. And I don’t hold judgement for those of us who complain. We are all imperfect and will have days we have had enough and that’s okay. Aiden has always been about 10 months-1 year behind in speech. So his first 3 years were pretty difficult. Lots of frustration for both of us. He was trying so hard to get through to me while I was struggling to understand him. We have a long road ahead of us and just had some tests done so we know exactly what we are dealing with. This past week I had a meeting with Aiden’s teacher, speech therapist, and the school psychologist to talk about Aiden’s diagnosis of Pervasive Development Disorder (The two main characteristics for the disorder are difficulties with social interaction skills and communication.) How I handled that meeting was not at all how I had pictured it three years ago. I was at ease and ready to listen to what we have to do to help Aiden be his best. I know God has a plan, the school has a plan, and with a lot of help and hard work he is going to be just fine . You can read more about PDD here, http://www.autismspeaks.org/

I know I am beyond blessed. There are so many mothers who have lost babies, or can't hold them because they have been in ICU since birth, or are struggling with physical problems beyond my imagination. I am by no means saying I have it the worst, I know for sure I don't, but it's still a very real struggle. That's why I have happy tears tonight. A big fear is slowly fading. A thought of "I could have done something different with Aiden" and “it was my fault for the speech delay”. “I should have talked more when he was an infant." I'm seeing now that his mind was just made differently than other children. It's not my fault and I'm seeing that God has a bigger plan than I do and He sees the miracles that I can't yet believe will happen. I'm so thankful for both of my amazing boys. Aiden, who is so full of smiles, love, and joy for life and Ryan who is the adventurer, always silly, and melts my heart with cuddles. I know there will be other struggles ahead, but for now I smile and cry happy tears knowing my baby Ryan won't have the frustration of not getting out what he is trying to communicate. To able to sit here today without sad tears streaming is a miracle. Am i sad, yes. Will I be okay? Of course. Is it fair? I don't know, but I know for sure I could have it a lot worse. Not to minimize my own problem, but saying it's not the end of the world. We will get through this and come out stronger, and Aiden will become who he is meant to be.
My heart hurts with all those parents that have bigger struggles than we will ever have, and pray for them that they would have strength, peace, and people around them that support and help them.
Thanks to all the amazing help from friends and the school district he will get help because of this "label".

Are we there yet?

Little update for those wondering....Last year I told of my struggle with postpartum depression. There have been many ups and downs and through it all I have wondered if I would be on medication forever. That is the last thing I wanted, but decided if that's what I needed to do to be the best wife, mother, and friend then I could do it. It's taken a long time to come to terms with that; for someone who doesn't like taking ibuprofen for a headache.
A few months ago I started feeling a bit different. Almost like I was getting more depressed. So I went to the doctor and increased the meds a little, only to feel even worse. So I switched them back to the normal amount and felt like maybe this could be my body telling me it might be time to be okay on it's own. So stupidly I skipped three days in a row of my medication. Anyone on these type of medications knows better, but I guess in my stubbornness I thought I was an exception and could stop cold turkey....nope. That was very clear on the third day when I became very dizzy and lightheaded. So back on the medication I went but this time started weaning off of it slowly. And that's where I'm at now. Are we there yet? No. But close! Oh so close. It's been a long road but as I look back I can see knowledge gained, perspective changed, lessons learned, and a story to share.

Above and Beyond

What is the definition of a father? A man who loves and provides for his children? When Justin and I were engaged we went through pre-marital counseling so we would know what kind of expectations to have of each other once we were married and eventually had kids. You know things like who has kitchen duty, who cleans toilets, who makes dinner, how many kids do we have, who disciplines them....etc. Of course things change and you learn to adapt. One thing I knew from the beginning was that Justin would make a good father. What I didn't know was how much he would go above and beyond in being a great father.
As I write this I'm packing for a trip. I'm leaving for eight days to go to a childhood friend's wedding and spend time with other friends. Just me, yes my amazing husband is keeping our two boys at home with him. There is no anxiety, panic, or frantic planning. I don't have to write out a long detailed list of Aiden and Ryan's daily schedule or meal plans or fun things for them to do. He's got it. He is involved as much as I am and I'm beyond grateful and blessed. How in the world did I get so lucky to have an amazing partner in life. I know how big of a deal it is for him to take this on, it's a big job. But I don't have to worry because he does this often. I'm so thankful that we share the load and joys of parenting. When one of us can't handle it the other can take over so we can get back our sanity. Thank you Justin Taylor Cathcart for giving your all plus more in being a father. Our boys are in love with you and so am I.

What's Love Got To Do With It?

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8

There are not many people today that truly live this out. Justin is definitely one of those that shows me true love, the kind that God wants us to show. I cannot say he is perfect; none of us are. But when I read this scripture over and over, I think of all the things that I can be, and how most people (including myself) might react. Justin reacts with love.


I’m so thankful for these past 8 years. I wouldn’t have wanted to go through anything we have with anyone else but Justin. He encourages me to be a better person in the way he treats others. He sees the best in people and doesn’t get easily offended or hold grudges. I don’t know what I would have done without him in so many situations. I was a mess and in need of a strong man and he was always there, without complaint. We have grown a lot, learned more about each other, had two amazing boys, faced many challenges, laughed a lot, and argued some, but through it all we have never given up. We are still learning to fight fair, balance life, and to show love in the best way. It’s a journey, one we will continue on no matter what comes our way.

Happy 8 year Anniversary Justin Taylor. I love you!

"Don't Make Me Count To Three!"

I have found myself so many times doing that...."If you don't stop by time I say three..." It does not work, shocking I know. Plus, isn't delayed obedience disobedience. That is definitely not what I want to be teaching my children. So many times I feel stuck and really wonder why kids don't come with an instruction manual, or do they? Yes, everyone says The Bible is our instruction manual, it's true! But, I feel so lost sometimes trying to find a place to start, especially with such young children. Well my amazing mother n law gave me a book that has truly been a huge help and opened my eyes to true, godly discipline. If you are stuck and don't have a plan I recommend this book. It is going to take me time to where it is second nature but I'm so glad I am starting when my kids are young. So many things that tempt us to give into the whining, disobedience, tantrums etc., but I'm learning to get to the real issue- the heart. We have many struggles ahead of us, but thank God for His wisdom and guidance and for friends and family around us that support us and love our kids. I know God has called me to be a mother so I want to be the best one I can be. Aiden and Ryan are his kids, just on loan to Justin and I, and we want to honor God with how we teach them, love them, and care for them.