Wednesday, June 30, 2010
A recovering addict
So I have known for a long time that I really love sugar, maybe more than love it. But it didn't hit me until recently that I'm actually a sugar/food addict. I literally think about food all day. I know it sounds kind of silly but it is something I have been struggling with for awhile. Not only is it something I crave and love to eat but it's a comfort and a way for me to relieve stress. On June 1st I started a weight loss competition with some friends, mainly to lose the last of my baby weight and to look good in a bathing suit. I've done this before. Go on a diet to look great and at the end go back to where I started, eating unhealthy and going back to bad habits. Two weeks into I was struggling with my attitude and the desire to quit because I just wanted to eat cake, cookies, cokes, etc. I literally thought, I would rather be chubby and eat sugar whenever I want than to be healthy and thin and give up these tasty things. It wasn't fair to have to sit there while other people enjoyed what I wish I was eating. When I was upset I just wanted to eat a cookie or drink a coke to make myself feel better. In my mind it would make me feel better and the problem would go away. It hit me that I'm an addict and that I'm kind of in rehab, yikes. I'm now on the 5th week and I can't say it's gotten much easier but my outlook on this is a little different. I have not only seen that I'm healthier but I'm learning to not give in to every craving and/or use food to fulfill me. It can never happen, only God can do that and as crazy as it seems food was getting in the way of that. I have an amazing friend keeping me accountable with what I eat and she is also helping me to understand myself and to be disciplined and to have a healthy relationship with food. As much as I have been irritated and wanted to give up I'm glad I haven't. I want to be in a place where I don't depend on food to make me happy. I know there are so many other things people deal with that they may not see as an addiction but anything that you can't give up and/or use it to feel better might be getting in the way of your relationship with God and people.