Sunday, December 26, 2010

My top 10 of 2010

10. Started writing this blog
9. Celebrated 7 years of marriage to my hubby
8. Won a biggest loser competition over the summer
7. Celebrated Mother’s Day with my TWO boys
6. Turned our dining room into a playroom :)
5. Painted our living room (yes it was a big deal)
4. Took a short trip to Port Aransas to see my brother John get married!
3. Got to go to Illinois and visit one of my best friends, Joni, and meet her little girl Kennedi
2. After a long wait and a whole lot of relying on God, Justin got a job!!!! He started at Apple on November 8th as a Customer Relations Advisor
1. Knowing God is in control, He has a plan, He always provides, and He is all I need

With Love Blue Christmas 5x7 folded card
View the entire collection of cards.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

I won't give up

Blow by blow I wonder what he is thinking. Does he honestly think I'm going to just throw my faith out the window just because things aren't going my way. Within the past 2 weeks, two cars have been wrecked, one car is having big issues, there is major financial shortage, legal stuff....I could go on and on. Don't get me wrong, I'm fighting every second to not blame and give up and just say why me. The spiritual realm is all too real right now. I know our family is being attacked. Satan has an agenda with us but I don't think he realizes how hard we are going to fight. The Cathcart's will not be defeated, because God is on our side :) I will not give up on God because of unfortunate circumstances. He is real. His provision is real. His healing is real. His love is real. His grace is real and I'm going to do my best to show He is real and just in all things, even the horrible ones. Again I'm not going to waste a good crisis. Whatever good comes out of this, I know I will be able to say it was worth it.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

One of my favorite things

I love taking pictures! I am by no means a professional photographer, I just love capturing moments with my family and friends and beautiful things. One of my favorite things in my home is the framed pictures, photo books, and scrapbooks I have made. When I need a moment to reflect on the blessings in my life I just sit down and look at those. It makes me smile and helps me remember what is most important to me.
I had big plans on writing a Christmas letter but I kept thinking, how can I sum up 2 years in one page....sigh... So I am going to make some cute cards from one of my favorite websites, Shutterfly :) I have made awesome photo books, calendars, and cards in the past and have always been so pleased with their products. I'm excited to make a Christmas card with them this year :) and I decided my blog is good at updating life so if people in our lives don't know what's been happening they can come here and read all about it!
If you have never used Shutterfly it is awesome :) and they usually have specials for new people signing up. Just a few of my favorite things I like to make...
Photo books-
I am SO excited about the holiday season coming up! I can't believe Thanksgiving is next week! Then Christmas and New Years :) I love this time of year and celebrating family, and God's gift to us. More memories to make and more pictures to take. And I'm sure there will be some more photo books and prints arriving at my house.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Be Careful What You Wish For.....

Oh man how I feel that statement is too close to home right now. For over a year we have been praying that Justin would get a job so we would be bringing in enough income to pay the bills. Well this past week Justin started working part-time at The Westin Hotel and will be starting part-time at Starbucks this week. I’m so grateful that God has provided for us and continues to. He has answered a lot of prayers and held us in His hands.
This is exactly what I was praying for. Right??? So why am I in panic mode right now? I feel as though my life is about to get more difficult than I can imagine and that we are about to go through another rough season. Our schedules are going to be opposite and I honestly don’t know how much we are going to see each other. So I’m this the right step? Is there something better that we aren’t seeing?
I’m physically, emotionally, and mentally drained. I’m trying to be strong for my family but still fight to hold it together some days. I still have jealousy rise up in me when I see others with great jobs but still have time with their family along with all their bills paid. I find myself envying stay at home moms, those going on vacations, or those who have found their place. I’m so glad that God’s grace is still there for me. My flesh still wins some days and I need God’s grace. I don’t deserve it but I’m so glad He freely gives it.
I am still put God first, to trust, to be content, to stop judging others, to be thankful, to understand that God sees the big picture and knows what’s best for us, to accept help from others, to let go of the hurt from lost relationships, to let go of the idea of what my life should look like and let God use our situation to strengthen our faith in Him. I’m choosing to praise God through the storm. I fail a lot of days and that is when I see His grace for me. I want Him to be thankful He chose us to go through this, so others might see Him and know He is real. I will be honest because I know I’m not perfect and I want others to know that God uses imperfect people.
Am I glad we have gone through this past year, yes. Do I wish it was over, oh yes! He sees the bigger picture so I am choosing to trust Him because He is still God. I know I am still going to have bad days and question what He is doing, but deep down I know without a doubt He knows. He cares about the birds of the air, how much more does He care for us. Matthew 10:29-31

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Our Miracle- Aiden's Story

It was Christmas 2005 and I felt horrible. I had an awful pain in my side so I laid down most of the day. I went to the doctor 2 days later to find out I had a cyst on my ovary. Two days later I went back for the sonogram results. The cyst was benign, but one of the technicians thought there was a possibility of an ectopic pregnancy. I had blood taken to see if I in fact was pregnant. Surprise!!! I was pregnant. I couldn’t quite celebrate yet because we had to go back a few more times to see if my hcg levels were rising to show the pregnancy progressing. Even then, we had to wait until I was 8 weeks to see a sonogram to find out if this was an ectopic pregnancy or a normal one. What a relief to find out in late January that we were definitely having a baby! The next few weeks went fine except for a little morning sickness.....and then it began.
What I thought was the cyst on my ovary bursting turned in to horrible episodes of pain, an emergency room visit, hospital stay, a colonoscopy without any drugs, and then being sent home only to have the episodes return a week later. It was the worst pain of my life. I felt like my insides were on fire and I remember telling Justin that I just wanted to die. After multiple episodes, the worst one came in February and we again went to the emergency room. A sonogram showed my ovary was tortioned. We had to do surgery immediately to remove my left ovary with a risk of the baby not making it. I would have to wait until the morning to get a sonogram to see if the baby had survived. I remember my mother in law telling me that my doctor talked to her that evening and told her that this baby needed some big prayers. The next morning my doctor came in to wake me up. I laid there, my heart pounding as he put the sonogram wand on my belly. I couldn’t bear to hear him say he was sorry. I already loved this tiny baby so much and didn’t know what I would do if he/she was gone. After a few moments he looked at me and smiled. He said the baby was doing great. I was so grateful and relieved. We found out later that if this had happened to me just a few years earlier we would have lost the baby. The new procedure of doing a laparoscopy saved Aiden’s life.
The rest of my pregnancy went well although it was a very hot summer and I was incredibly swollen and uncomfortable. We took a last minute trip to spend our last time together as a family of two. We headed to Houston for a couple of baseball games and time with friends. We got home on a Wednesday night, and surprise....Friday evening around 9:00 my water broke. Three weeks before my due date there we were driving to the hospital knowing we had to make a difficult phone call. Justin’s parents were due to leave in the morning for a 10 day cruise in Alaska. This was their first grandchild and they wanted so badly to be there. We called and broke the news. Excitement for this new baby, but a difficult decision to make. After finding out their trip insurance didn’t cover this situation we all decided they would go on their trip. They deserved an amazing vacation to celebrate their 40th year of marriage and this baby would be waiting to meet them when they got home. After all how often do grandparents get to live in the same city as their grandchildren and see them whenever they want. After a 16 hour labor and 2 hours of pushing I got the devastating news that I would have to have a c-section. Aiden was just not going to fit. I was not prepared for it at all and refused to believe it was necessary. This was not in my plans, but after several minutes of discussion I finally agreed that this was what was best. August 19th, 2006 Aiden Taylor arrived weighing 7 pounds 7 ounces. Our miracle boy was here and just hearing him cry made all of the pain worth it!
Aiden means warmth of the home/ fiery one. How perfectly that defines Aiden Taylor! He is such an amazing little boy with so much love and we are so blessed that God gave us this miracle boy. He has turned into such a lovable, funny little man who is now talking in sentences and amazing us everyday. It’s amazing the strength God gives you to go through trials to get something so wonderful. I would do it all over again to have my little monkey in my life. Happy 4th Birthday to our Little Misters!!!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

The Journey to meet our Little King

Ryan Trent-Little King of Trent's Town

It was fall of 2008 and we were discussing when we would like to expand our family. We decided late Spring would be a good time to start trying. Little did we know it wouldn’t happen in our timing, imagine that ;p The first month I wasn’t necessarily expecting to get pregnant, but I sure was hoping I would. I was sad when it didn’t happen right away, but I knew it was “normal” to take 3-4 months. Well month 4 and 5 passed and inside I just knew something was wrong. When I was 12 weeks pregnant with Aiden, I had a tortioned ovary that had to be surgically removed, so I had a feeling that was why we were having a problem. I have such an amazing doctor who I trust, so I went in to talk to him. We did blood tests to see if I was ovulating and found out I wasn’t. I was devastated when he told me I needed to get on birth control for 2 months to regulate my hormones. I just couldn’t do it. I was longing for a baby so badly. So I got on birth control for one month then moved on to Letrozole, a medicine to induce ovulation, the next month. Back for more blood work to see if I ovulated, yes I did! But not so happy news when I found out I was not pregnant. It’s a horrible feeling. We only had the experience of getting pregnant with Aiden. He was our little surprise baby. I felt like everyone around me was getting pregnant so quickly and it wasn’t fair. So the next month I took a second dose of the Letrozole. Blood work showed I was ovulating. We waited another 10 days and found out, YES we were pregnant. That 8 months of waiting had felt like an eternity, but I knew there were women out there going on 5 years of trying and still no baby. I knew I was blessed. Even though it seemed like forever I knew in all the waiting God was up to something.
I had a very rough pregnancy. I was working about 30 hours a week, where I stood the whole time, with pretty much all day morning sickness that lasted 16 weeks, horrible back pain causing me to be unable to walk, swelling, and trying to lift a 40 pound strong willed 2 year old while he threw tantrums. I was exhausted and ready to meet our baby. A month before Ryan came , Justin left his job of 11 years. We didn’t know what we were going to do, but we knew God had called us to move on and knew He would take care of us. There was a peace, but also a bit of worry. I’m such a planner and I’m sure God giggled when I thought I could take control. I had a wonderful plan to get pregnant in early summer and be biggest in the winter...didn’t work out so well ;p I don’t recommend being huge and pregnant in the hot Texas summer, but apparently I’m made to do that ;) Ryan was born on August 4th and was cuter than I could have imagined. He was perfect and well worth the wait. Thinking about that 8 months of waiting to get pregnant, I felt almost silly for complaining. That was nothing in comparison to the joy I felt when I saw Ryan for the first time, and I would do that and more all over again to have this sweet baby be a part of our family.
Justin didn’t have a job for the first 2 months of Ryan’s life and thank goodness for that. I don’t know that I can even describe how horrible my recovery was. The pain killers I was on caused horrible nausea, which lead to me unable to eat, which made me want to get off the meds that then put me in severe pain where my incision was. Add that to lack of sleep and a confused 3 year old having to now share Justin and I with his newborn baby brother who wouldn’t sleep well unless you held him. Ryan was so congested that he would not only keep us up at night but wake himself up as well. God knew I needed my husband for that time. Looking back in my misery of questioning God and why it was taking so long I now see that He was at work. He always sees what we can’t and I’m so thankful He knows best.
As much joy as there was having this new baby there was also a lot of bad emotions. In my mind my life looked like it was over. I knew it wasn’t but no matter how much I focused on God and my family the feelings got worse. I knew there was something wrong, but for 7 months I was in denial. When I finally got help I was diagnosed with Post-Partum Depression. I only wish I had gotten help sooner because I feel that I missed out on so much joy in Ryan’s first 6 months. I wasn’t seeing clearly how great my life was and I missed out on a lot. I’m so glad I finally got better and have been able to fully enjoy life.
Ryan is one of the greatest joys of my life. Every time I think about him or talk about him I light up and can’t stop smiling. He is our miracle and I’m in love. Today is bittersweet for me. I’m sad because him turning a year old is just reminding me how fast our kids grow up, but at the same time I’m excited to see who he becomes. I’m so thankful for this miracle baby God has entrusted to us. I hope that he grows up seeing how God has blessed his life and feels God’s love through us and others. He is our Little King, or Little Turkey as I call him :D

Friday, July 30, 2010

Thirty Three

33 years ago today Justin Taylor Cathcart was born. Who knew I would be the one that would be so blessed to call him my husband and the father of my children. He is truly an amazing man that I respect and call my best friend. He goes above and beyond, has such a giving heart and is the one who always makes me laugh. Today I celebrate him and think about how blessed I am to spend my life with him. I love you babe!

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

A recovering addict

So I have known for a long time that I really love sugar, maybe more than love it. But it didn't hit me until recently that I'm actually a sugar/food addict. I literally think about food all day. I know it sounds kind of silly but it is something I have been struggling with for awhile. Not only is it something I crave and love to eat but it's a comfort and a way for me to relieve stress. On June 1st I started a weight loss competition with some friends, mainly to lose the last of my baby weight and to look good in a bathing suit. I've done this before. Go on a diet to look great and at the end go back to where I started, eating unhealthy and going back to bad habits. Two weeks into I was struggling with my attitude and the desire to quit because I just wanted to eat cake, cookies, cokes, etc. I literally thought, I would rather be chubby and eat sugar whenever I want than to be healthy and thin and give up these tasty things. It wasn't fair to have to sit there while other people enjoyed what I wish I was eating. When I was upset I just wanted to eat a cookie or drink a coke to make myself feel better. In my mind it would make me feel better and the problem would go away. It hit me that I'm an addict and that I'm kind of in rehab, yikes. I'm now on the 5th week and I can't say it's gotten much easier but my outlook on this is a little different. I have not only seen that I'm healthier but I'm learning to not give in to every craving and/or use food to fulfill me. It can never happen, only God can do that and as crazy as it seems food was getting in the way of that. I have an amazing friend keeping me accountable with what I eat and she is also helping me to understand myself and to be disciplined and to have a healthy relationship with food. As much as I have been irritated and wanted to give up I'm glad I haven't. I want to be in a place where I don't depend on food to make me happy. I know there are so many other things people deal with that they may not see as an addiction but anything that you can't give up and/or use it to feel better might be getting in the way of your relationship with God and people.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

"Never Waste a Good Crisis"

Hearing people talk about taking vacations, going to the movies, shopping, out to eat, or their four year olds reading, writing, and drawing pictures, I find myself getting upset. Where we are right now is so different. We know we made the right choice a year ago but I’m feeling lost and unsure what to do. Still searching for a job while almost broke and to go along with that we are still having to try ten times as hard as some parents to teach Aiden the same thing other kids his age learn with ease. This is my current crisis. Of course in comparison to other problems in the world it might look like nothing. But that's not what it's about. Your trial is the hardest thing at the time for you. I’m trying to remember and trust what God’s word says.

Romans 8:28 “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”

When Aiden was 15 months old I noticed something was different. He wasn't talking like the other babies and wasn’t hitting the milestones for speech. Everyone kept saying it's no big deal he will grow out of it. Well something inside me knew that wasn't true. I needed to get help. The months went by and kids his age continued to add words but Aiden didn't. He was so behind. For the longest time I could list off each word Aiden knew. For most parents that's impossible because their kids know so many words that they wouldn't be able to keep count. I always thought it was my fault. Did I not talk to him enough, did he watch too much t.v? Was God trying to teach me something? Surely I had done something wrong. The worst thing is when parents complain about how annoying it is that their child keeps talking and talking and just won’t be quiet. If only they knew how much I longed for that. I want to scream out of anger and frustration. Don't they understand that I'm praying for that very thing they are annoyed by?

I talked to some close friends and did a little research. We put Aiden in Easter Seals. He was in that program from the time he was 18 months until he turned 3. This past year he has been at Windermere Primary in a PPCD (Preschool Programs for Children with Disabilities) class, and wow has he progressed! He is an amazing, smart, fun, happy little boy with quite a strong will, but I am happy he is who he is no matter the struggles and amount of hard work we have to go through. Some days I'm feeling good about Aiden's progress, but other days I start comparing him to other kids and I fall back into the comparison trap that makes me feel inadequate and frustrated. I know God made Aiden in His image. I want to see Aiden as God does. I will keep praying and trying my best to be patient with him, myself and to see the positive side of this stage God has us in.

Take that crisis and add a financial one to it. A year ago Justin and I decided he would leave his job after 11 years and start a new journey. We didn't think it would take this long, but knew we heard God so we listened and obeyed. He has always taken care of us but lately my flesh is getting the best of me. We are so close to running out of money and I get so scared. As much as I love my own kids, God loves me so much more! So why would He ever let us go without? I know He won't, but I'm still fighting the fear.
Hebrews 13:5 “Let your character or moral disposition be free from love of money [including greed, avarice, lust, and craving for earthly possessions] and be satisfied with your present [circumstances and with what you have]; for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!] 6 So we take comfort and are encouraged and confidently and boldly say, The Lord is my Helper; I will not be seized with alarm [I will not fear or dread or be terrified]. What can man do to me?”

Never waste a good crisis. As much as we hate trials, aren't we usually stronger and filled with more faith after we go through them. We like to say that we know what we are going through isn't as bad as what others are going through, but there is no reason to make light of our own crisis. It doesn't matter in comparison, it is a trial to you and it is tough stuff. I don't want to go through life brushing off my problems because I feel bad for complaining just because I'm not going through as rough of a time as others. It all matters to God and we can't just push it away because it will always come find us again. We have to address the issues and stop wondering if we are being punished. God isn't out to punish me for my past sins. I am going through what I am because of lots of different reasons. But I don't want to waste a crisis. I want to be a better person after it. I want to understand, trust, and love God more. As much as I have wished this past year hadn't been as hard, part of me is thankful that God allowed us to go through it. I hope that other people can see Him working through us and see that no matter what comes our way we will not give up on God. I am now able to be a support to others that go through postpartum depression, unemployment, or their child's speech delay. I can't look at those things and be bitter, feeling that God wasn't there. He along with amazing friends and family have been there for us. The creator of the universe makes himself small enough to be with us in your weakest moments.... I can't waste this crisis. I want to use it to have more faith and reach out to others who are struggling with theirs. I want to be more positive in the way I speak about everything. I want to lift others up and encourage. God has blessed me and I don't want to disrespect Him by putting down His work.

I'm reading this over and over to myself because I'm still in it. I'm worried and scared but trying my best to lean on Him.

James 1:2 “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.”
-The joy comes from what you take from the trial.

I am so glad I was able to hear this 3 part series at our church. Take the time and listen to it.

Never Waste a Good Crisis: Get Ready | June 13, 2010 from Gateway Church on Vimeo.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

I didn't know her, but I love her...

"What do your parents do?" Turning red, my heart racing, I wanted to change the subject. I always hated that question. My response was always the same. I only talked about my dad. Then the dreaded following question came. "What about your mom?" Very nervous, I replied "well I don't have one." The uncomfortable explanation came next....

It was the evening of March 20th, 1984. My heart breaks at the terror I know she felt. Someone was taking her life away from her. She was a mother of 4 who loved her kids and her husband. Why was this happening? It wasn't fair. What was going to happen to her children? She was an important loved mother and now they won't have her..... Her children found out the next day that their mother had been killed. Such an important person had been brutally murdered. My mother, Nancy Ruth Menke, gave me life and love until she was taken from us when I was 2 years old. I didn't know her, but I love her.

I'm not sure how she felt the day she had to let go of her son. I don't know how old she was, what her name is, or how she got into the situation. Was she sad, relieved, heartbroken? Whether or not she didn't want to have anything to do with him or if she had no choice but to give him up, she chose to give him life, and for that I am grateful. On July 30th, 1977 my husband was born. I can't imagine life without him. His birth mother has no idea what impact she made when she chose to give birth to Justin. I know Ron and Yvonne do. Justin is their adopted son. September 19th, 1977 Yvonne's dream of being a mother came true because another mother was willing to give life to someone else. I didn't know her, but I love her.

Grateful. I can't get that word out of my mind. That can't even begin to describe what is in my heart though. I'm overwhelmed with joy, and thankfulness when I think of mothers and what a gift it is to be one. I am so thankful that I have awesome, godly women in my life that have shown me what it looks like to be a great mom. Women who love their children by showing affection, but have boundaries to protect them. Open arms even when their kids disobey, and an openness for communication without fear so their kids can have freedom to talk about anything and be themselves. Respect from their children because they are honest and live a life that serves God.

My heart aches for those who aren't able to enjoy the experience of being a mother. And for those who have to give their babies up, or for those who have their babies taken from them during pregnancy or after. For those who try for years before becoming pregnant, or those trying and having disappointment each month when there is a negative test. So many unanswered questions of why.

I feel so blessed to be a mom. I am so grateful that God gave me this opportunity and responsibility to give love. I want to love them the way God loves me and make the most of every day I have with them.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Smile and pretend you are having fun.

I'm not one that likes to show bad pictures of myself, but after another "lovely" photo experience with my children I just had to show the many bad that lead to only a few good. Although it's usually a frustrating experience I'm sure most will find amusing to see what really goes on to get that one great shot. I guess it's all worth it right? :)

Monday, April 19, 2010

Where's my pause button?

Man I feel like life is going in fast forward these days! We just celebrated 7 years of marriage on March 29th, is that really possible? Ryan will be 9 months on May 4th, Aiden will turn 4 this summer, and my brother John just got married!!! Wow it has been a crazy last few months but life is good. I am feeling so much better but still feel like everything is moving so fast. I'm trying my best to savor each moment because I know our boys are going to grow up quicker than we think.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Stop trying to do God's job

I am not qualified, not even a little bit. So why is it that I think I know what's best for me and that I can do God's job by trying to plan my life?
We have never regretted our decision of Justin moving on from his 11 years at GT Austin but I have definitely asked God "why", more than a million times. This isn't fair, why has life been so hard? Why have we not found our place yet? Why do we have to go through this? Why is my hard working, amazing husband being told that his 40 hours are being cut to 10? Why can't I explain to people what I am going through and help them understand what post-partum depression is, and that I can't "will myself to feel better"? Why do I want to run away and start over? Why have some friends quit on us? So many questions I don't have the answers to. I'm struggling to completely trust that God knows what He is doing, but somewhere in me I know He does... In a rough spot all around just trying to be patient and wait on the Lord.
Will this part be over soon? I'm not sure but while we are here I'm hoping to learn a lot and grow stronger. We are having a hard time "seeing the light at the end of the tunnel", but as my amazing mother in law always says, "This too shall pass."
"Surrender to a power greater than you. I'm limited, God is NOT. What is God calling you to let go of? Quit trying to do His job." -Rick Shurtz

Saturday, March 13, 2010

A fake smile

I have spent the last 7 months in denial that something was wrong... Most new moms who are so in love with their children have super emotional days and feel that life is over, right? Most people with major life changes have major meltdowns, right? Most mothers who have a child with a speech delay constantly battle with comparisons to other children and wonder what they did wrong, right? When the months pass and things get better but I still can't get it together, well it's just hormones right? When things are really great and my life is great, but instead I see a very cloudy view of myself, trapped and almost numb to life, unable to figure out what to do... that's normal right???...
For so many years I had a very wrong idea of what depression was. I thought that if people knew Jesus they should be able to "get it together", and wondered why they had to turn to medicine. I now unfortunately completely understand what these people were dealing with. I now know how it feels to have days with no emotion while thinking about the amazing family I am more than blessed to have, and know how it feels to fight with everything in me, every second of the day, to keep it together so my kids, family, and co workers don't notice something is wrong. I know what it feels like to be angry because friends don't call to check on me or hang out, to be in a constant battle of wanting to have days of purpose but instead I am left feeling helpless, unsure of how to do that. I'm tired of taking every opportunity to leave my house and take the boys to the store just to escape my thoughts. I'm tired of being a wife that now has the time to spend with my husband, but would rather go to bed so I could escape life... and my only answer to his sincere question of "what's wrong", is always "nothing...I don't know, I really don't know." I'm tired of being ashamed of what I'm dealing with.
Feeling alone and helpless I finally had the guts to reach out to some friends only to feel abandoned and not better. I wonder if I'm crazy, can I really just pray and make it go away....I have found that I can't. I now understand this is real and I finally took the step and talked to my doctor, talked to people who will listen and encourage me and help me get through it. I'm thankful for others who are sharing their struggles so I know I'm not the only one. I'm thankful for an amazing mother in law who understands all my sadness and frustration and prays her guts out for me, and for my husband who knows I'm not weird or crazy, even though I feel that way daily, and encourages me that we will get through this.
As I go through the process of healing from post-partum depression I look forward to really living life again. I can't see it yet, but I know I will...and when that happens my smile will be genuine.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

True Love

Oh what an amazing husband I have! He does so much that I too often take for granted. He did something especially lovely today :) After a long time of deciding whether or not to transfer to a different Starbucks I made the decision to move to a Round Rock store. I have worked at the other store for 2 years and it was so hard to leave the people I worked with and the amazing customers. I was sad today, being my last day there, but I know the decision is best for me and my family. Well I wasn't feeling the Starbucks love after my shift.... I guess I just thought I was an important part of something, but on my last day nothing was said and it just hurt. I talked to Justin when I got home and told him it was just a stinky way to leave my job, feeling unappreciated and unimportant. He went to work and called on his way home to tell me he had a surprise. He knows how to make me happy- with food! Haha. He brought me Mangia pizza and Sugar Mama's cupcakes....Delicious :D What a sweet husband! I'm so thankful for him!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

simple and sweet

I can be a very complicated girl sometimes but I really do love the simple sweet things in life. The other day I was at Starbucks with Ryan and an old man was on his way out. He stopped for a moment and just smiled at Ryan and listened to him babble. As he walked away he look at me and so sincerely said thank you. To me it was such a sweet moment. There was so much appreciation for life and for that sweet simple moment to watch a baby and what pure joy they have. That made me think about so many things and how I appreciate them so much. I hope that I will live life and take the time to enjoy those simple sweet moments.