Wednesday, August 4, 2010

The Journey to meet our Little King

Ryan Trent-Little King of Trent's Town

It was fall of 2008 and we were discussing when we would like to expand our family. We decided late Spring would be a good time to start trying. Little did we know it wouldn’t happen in our timing, imagine that ;p The first month I wasn’t necessarily expecting to get pregnant, but I sure was hoping I would. I was sad when it didn’t happen right away, but I knew it was “normal” to take 3-4 months. Well month 4 and 5 passed and inside I just knew something was wrong. When I was 12 weeks pregnant with Aiden, I had a tortioned ovary that had to be surgically removed, so I had a feeling that was why we were having a problem. I have such an amazing doctor who I trust, so I went in to talk to him. We did blood tests to see if I was ovulating and found out I wasn’t. I was devastated when he told me I needed to get on birth control for 2 months to regulate my hormones. I just couldn’t do it. I was longing for a baby so badly. So I got on birth control for one month then moved on to Letrozole, a medicine to induce ovulation, the next month. Back for more blood work to see if I ovulated, yes I did! But not so happy news when I found out I was not pregnant. It’s a horrible feeling. We only had the experience of getting pregnant with Aiden. He was our little surprise baby. I felt like everyone around me was getting pregnant so quickly and it wasn’t fair. So the next month I took a second dose of the Letrozole. Blood work showed I was ovulating. We waited another 10 days and found out, YES we were pregnant. That 8 months of waiting had felt like an eternity, but I knew there were women out there going on 5 years of trying and still no baby. I knew I was blessed. Even though it seemed like forever I knew in all the waiting God was up to something.
I had a very rough pregnancy. I was working about 30 hours a week, where I stood the whole time, with pretty much all day morning sickness that lasted 16 weeks, horrible back pain causing me to be unable to walk, swelling, and trying to lift a 40 pound strong willed 2 year old while he threw tantrums. I was exhausted and ready to meet our baby. A month before Ryan came , Justin left his job of 11 years. We didn’t know what we were going to do, but we knew God had called us to move on and knew He would take care of us. There was a peace, but also a bit of worry. I’m such a planner and I’m sure God giggled when I thought I could take control. I had a wonderful plan to get pregnant in early summer and be biggest in the winter...didn’t work out so well ;p I don’t recommend being huge and pregnant in the hot Texas summer, but apparently I’m made to do that ;) Ryan was born on August 4th and was cuter than I could have imagined. He was perfect and well worth the wait. Thinking about that 8 months of waiting to get pregnant, I felt almost silly for complaining. That was nothing in comparison to the joy I felt when I saw Ryan for the first time, and I would do that and more all over again to have this sweet baby be a part of our family.
Justin didn’t have a job for the first 2 months of Ryan’s life and thank goodness for that. I don’t know that I can even describe how horrible my recovery was. The pain killers I was on caused horrible nausea, which lead to me unable to eat, which made me want to get off the meds that then put me in severe pain where my incision was. Add that to lack of sleep and a confused 3 year old having to now share Justin and I with his newborn baby brother who wouldn’t sleep well unless you held him. Ryan was so congested that he would not only keep us up at night but wake himself up as well. God knew I needed my husband for that time. Looking back in my misery of questioning God and why it was taking so long I now see that He was at work. He always sees what we can’t and I’m so thankful He knows best.
As much joy as there was having this new baby there was also a lot of bad emotions. In my mind my life looked like it was over. I knew it wasn’t but no matter how much I focused on God and my family the feelings got worse. I knew there was something wrong, but for 7 months I was in denial. When I finally got help I was diagnosed with Post-Partum Depression. I only wish I had gotten help sooner because I feel that I missed out on so much joy in Ryan’s first 6 months. I wasn’t seeing clearly how great my life was and I missed out on a lot. I’m so glad I finally got better and have been able to fully enjoy life.
Ryan is one of the greatest joys of my life. Every time I think about him or talk about him I light up and can’t stop smiling. He is our miracle and I’m in love. Today is bittersweet for me. I’m sad because him turning a year old is just reminding me how fast our kids grow up, but at the same time I’m excited to see who he becomes. I’m so thankful for this miracle baby God has entrusted to us. I hope that he grows up seeing how God has blessed his life and feels God’s love through us and others. He is our Little King, or Little Turkey as I call him :D

1 comment:

  1. This is so beautiful! I love Little King Ryan and I can't wait to see where God takes him. I'm glad things have gotten better since dealing with the PPD, and I know God is going to continue to do amazing things in your family! <3