Oh man how I feel that statement is too close to home right now. For over a year we have been praying that Justin would get a job so we would be bringing in enough income to pay the bills. Well this past week Justin started working part-time at The Westin Hotel and will be starting part-time at Starbucks this week. I’m so grateful that God has provided for us and continues to. He has answered a lot of prayers and held us in His hands.
This is exactly what I was praying for. Right??? So why am I in panic mode right now? I feel as though my life is about to get more difficult than I can imagine and that we are about to go through another rough season. Our schedules are going to be opposite and I honestly don’t know how much we are going to see each other. So I’m confused...is this the right step? Is there something better that we aren’t seeing?
I’m physically, emotionally, and mentally drained. I’m trying to be strong for my family but still fight to hold it together some days. I still have jealousy rise up in me when I see others with great jobs but still have time with their family along with all their bills paid. I find myself envying stay at home moms, those going on vacations, or those who have found their place. I’m so glad that God’s grace is still there for me. My flesh still wins some days and I need God’s grace. I don’t deserve it but I’m so glad He freely gives it.
I am still learning...to put God first, to trust, to be content, to stop judging others, to be thankful, to understand that God sees the big picture and knows what’s best for us, to accept help from others, to let go of the hurt from lost relationships, to let go of the idea of what my life should look like and let God use our situation to strengthen our faith in Him. I’m choosing to praise God through the storm. I fail a lot of days and that is when I see His grace for me. I want Him to be thankful He chose us to go through this, so others might see Him and know He is real. I will be honest because I know I’m not perfect and I want others to know that God uses imperfect people.
Am I glad we have gone through this past year, yes. Do I wish it was over, oh yes! He sees the bigger picture so I am choosing to trust Him because He is still God. I know I am still going to have bad days and question what He is doing, but deep down I know without a doubt He knows. He cares about the birds of the air, how much more does He care for us. Matthew 10:29-31