Thursday, October 4, 2012

Loaves and Fish

Growing up in church I’m sure I heard this story at least a hundred times. You know in Mark, when Jesus feeds the 5,000 with 5 loaves and 2 fish? So I’m not sure what made hearing it again this Sunday so different. I listened to the sermon, took notes, and kind of forgot about it.
Three days go by. It was 3:30 am and I was wide awake. I decided it would be crazy to get myself out of bed and do something productive. So I tried to go back to sleep. It took awhile; like two hours. I’m convinced in that time, if my mind could have put words down on a page, I could have written a whole book. Okay so maybe I should have dragged my butt out of bed, but I didn’t. So later this morning I had this story on my mind again and I headed to the computer as my mind raced.
Sometimes when I read the bible I have a hard time connecting with the stories of the miracles Jesus performed. I mean it’s hard to believe 5 loaves and 2 fish fed 5,000 people right? But when I started really examining the things God has done in my life I was amazed. He has literally multiplied when we were in need. For about a year and a half we were short anywhere from $500-$800 a month for basic needs. But we made it every time. On paper it was impossible, and we should have been completely broke. I’m blown away that it’s been 3 years since the start of that rough season and I’m just understanding how real this is. I mean, I knew God had provided it, but I wasn’t seeing the connection to His word. Like His followers over 2,000 years ago, I still find myself doubting when I can’t see the next step in front of me. He has not failed me once, but I still get scared and wonder how He will perform His next miracle.
Writing down and remembering those loaves and fish moments are a good start. Connecting with the things He has done for me in my life and remembering He sees a much bigger picture than I do. And although I don’t always understand why the plan isn’t going my way, He knows and wants the best for me. My job is to trust Him and take the next step. He has promised help along the way.
If it’s not money, it’s something. There are definitely things that I’m currently struggling with and scared to hand over to God. As if I could make these things happen on my own, but I still struggle with trusting that He can perform a miracle. Miracles that I’ve seen him do before. I have to make a daily effort to remember that He does want the best for me, He knows all things, and to be thankful for the grace He offers when I am having trouble trusting Him. My prayer has often been the same of the father in Mark 9:24, "I believe, but help me overcome my unbelief." Seriously I have uttered that more times than I can count.
So what is your next step? What is that miracle you feel is so far off or impossible? We often pray, “God if you can....”, but in Mark 9:23 Jesus says, “Anything is possible if you believe.” Anything! We forget that God is still doing miracles. Maybe you have had Him do some for you but not taken notice or really connected with the truth of it. Reflect on what He has done, trust that He will continue to do more, and take the next step.

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