Tuesday, February 28, 2012


I sigh....What’s wrong. Absolutely nothing. But my soul is disturbed.

I am saved by grace. Justin has a great job & I am able to stay at home with our boys. We are paying off debt. We are healthy, we love our church, & we have great family and friends. We have made it through the hardest 2 years of our lives and come out stronger. We have enough. So what am I looking for? Am I even looking for something?
These were my exact thoughts and feelings a few weeks ago. I was fearing the depression was creeping back into my life. That could not happen. I beat it. That is over! So I asked one of the best prayer warriors I know, my mother in law, to pray. The next day her friend sent a devotion to her and said I needed to see it. Wow. There were no words, just tears and a squeal of joy over God’s perfect timing.
After reading this devotion it was very clear that this “sigh” I was feeling was a grieving. A grieving for those who don’t have God in their life.

“Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? . . . O my God, my soul is cast down within me” (Psalm 42:5-6).

In the devotional No Name Infirmity, David Wilkerson says “I believe this strange infirmity is “the sighing of the Holy Spirit” within us. He is letting us know what it feels like to be without God—to be on our own, without comfort, hope or guidance. He allows us to experience just a taste of such an awful, horrible condition!”

All the things we deal with in this world... It's not what he wanted for us. But we chose to kick Him out of our lives and He has politely stepped back and let us have free will. This depressed like feeling is “the sighing of the Holy Spirit." He is allowing me to have a taste of what it’s like to be without Jesus and it’s terrifying. Even when I have gone through the toughest of situations I can’t imagine walking away from God and trying to do it on my own. It doesn’t make sense at all. Especially those that have once walked with God then turned away. What is life like after that? Well, I have been there. It is completely miserable and I will never try to live life without God again. It’s constantly looking to things or people to satisfy us, and they never will. There is always that longing for something else. That longing that God put in us, but it was meant for Him. He lets us have just a taste of what He feels when the world chooses to walk away from Him. I see our world, myself included when I get off track, looking to money and friends to make us happy only to find it doesn’t last very long. When will we learn? When will I learn? For those that have never known that relationship with God, I am so disheartened. There is that longing to fill a void but they go to the world for things that will never satisfy. But I know God calls us to show them what His love really is really like.
I’m thankful that I know where to turn in these moments. I can trust in Him and cry out to Him for strength and just be in His presence.

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