Alone

Today was the second day this week that I had four hours to myself. Ryan started preschool on Tuesday and he was beyond excited. I feel like I should have been too.

I think most mothers long for that day when the last child goes off to school....to have time alone to herself to do whatever she wants, go back to school, or go back to work. I'm still not sure how I feel about it though. I shocked myself and didn't cry on Ryan's first day of school, but I'm not sure it has even hit me yet. I do get time to myself to spend with friends, write, or go shopping, but this alone time is different. This isn't me taking a break after a crazy day. I'm in a new season. Aiden is in second grade, and Ryan is in preschool two days a week. As much as it has been nice, it's been difficult too.

For the mothers that dream about the day their kids are in school and they will have freedom, I'm so happy for them when their time comes. I'm just not one of them. I haven't embraced the fact that my little boys are growing up. They say that it goes fast; whoever they is... but for me it went incredibly too fast. As I have my time alone, it's just me and my thoughts. I'm trying with all my might to make them positive, to see this time as an opportunity and a time of refreshing; and I know it will be. But my heart hasn't quite caught up with what I know is true. So on my days alone, if you see me and I'm not living it up as I should be, be patient and give me time. I will get there.